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finding home

the bravery of vulnerability: life in community

the pursuit of home

i was so excited to go to orlando this summer because i was ready to be home. it had been a long year–the hardest year–and i wanted to be with my family again. but it was a curious thing to arrive there and realize that my home had been here all along. it feels good to be back. safe. and all this moving and feeling has got me thinking a lot about “home.” Continue reading “the pursuit of home”

o death, where is your sting?

they say the hardest part of grieving comes months down the road. now, i don’t know who “they” are or what authority “they” have to speak to such an intimate, excruciating thing such as grief, but i do know they are right. i know they are right because i am months down the road, and this is the hardest my life has ever been. Continue reading “o death, where is your sting?”

2015: a year to be prayerful

“you have officially made it through the holidays. how are you holding up?” those are some of the words that came through in the text marie sent me this morning as i sat down at starbucks after a short walk through the rain. i settled into my table by the window with my hot chocolate, bible, journal, and new book on prayer. i settled into my table committed to having an answer to her question by the time i moved from this table. so i got to reading and writing and reflecting–all of the things i can’t help but do on a january 1 of any year. Continue reading “2015: a year to be prayerful”

questions

i carry this book of questions around school most days. in fact, it is literally called “the book of questions.” when i was on the verge of a new friendship, that person came up to me after class and asked about the book. i asked her a question from the book in lieu of an explanation. after she answered, she said something along the lines of “maybe we could do one every day.” i can’t really pinpoint the exact moment we became friends, but i think that moment around that book marked the start of our commitment to give this friendship thing a shot. since then i’ve asked her a lot of questions, some from out of the book and some from out of my own desire to get to know her. it started with a question, and now i can’t really imagine this semester without her. Continue reading “questions”

grief [pt. 4]

i read this article depicting one girl’s experience with grief. she talked about how she gave up blogging for that season. i figured it best if i do the same. in fact, i wasn’t sure i would ever find myself back on this page again. but, as i sat distracted through yet another sermon at church, i found myself scribbling some thoughts on the church bulletin. and i guess i want to take those scribbles and try to make some sense of them… Continue reading “grief [pt. 4]”

fear

at the beginning of my adventure to DC this summer, i prayed for courage. i prayed for courage, but i didn’t have any idea why i prayed for it. i wrote a blog post stipulating a few reasons why i might have prayed for it. i thought i had it all figured out. little did i know then of the news that would bring me to my knees by the time i left DC. little did i know then of the fear that would haunt me now all these weeks later…

oh, how i could use that courage now. Continue reading “fear”

in this season

it’s been weeks since i’ve been on this blank page that holds the space i write these posts. it hasn’t been for lack of thoughts, but it has certainly been for lack of time. i am busy this year, which is exhausting. and i am grieving this year, which is exhausting. so i’m writing this from my evidence class because i didn’t do the reading last night (due in part to the busy and in part to the grief), and i have no idea what is going on anyway. and there’s this thing i’ve been wanting to write about for awhile now… Continue reading “in this season”

grief [pt. 3]

“though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord; i will take joy in the God of my salvation.” habbakuk 3:17-18 Continue reading “grief [pt. 3]”

grief [pt. 2]

i wrote a post a few weeks back about unpredictability. it was about how one of the greatest blessings of Christianity is its unpredictability. i re-read that post this morning and was struck by something. over the past few days since my mom died, days that have felt like a moment and eternity simultaneously, i have said over and over again that one of the greatest horrors of grief is its unpredictability. Continue reading “grief [pt. 2]”

grief [pt. 1]

i put one foot in front of the other today. and i will keep doing that. i will keep doing that. but let me clarify — i am moving, but i am not moving on. the grief is suffocating and overwhelming and at times that one foot in front of the other seems impossible. Continue reading “grief [pt. 1]”

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